On the Triple-Arrow Path

Good Times

2012-02-02T00:24:00.001-05:00

I've been in a pretty good, stress-free mood for a couple weeks now.

I know this seems like a waste of a post, but anyone who knows me IRL will realize the impact of that statement.

I'm an old, fat man

2012-01-13T00:54:00.002-05:00

I have now been sick for 13 weeks. It seems to be dissipating. The coughing and snotting are more infrequent now, but it's still there, so I still count it. And don't forget the staph infection in my face that made it swell up. I tend to keep colds for a long time, but this is a new record.

But there are other things. I've got a pain in my neck...or back. It seems to move. No clue what that might be. My arthritis seems to bother me more than it used to. My ankle swells more often and for longer duration. I feel new issues all the time. I've realized that I'm old, and losing the weight need to lose to feel better will only get more difficult. And I find it hard to even start the process.

You'd think my health and my kids would be motivation. But it's so, so hard. I don't know what to do.

ahtitan and the Deathly Hallows

2011-11-25T01:09:00.002-05:00

So, I'm an idiot.

I started having a sore throat at the end of my shift on Tuesday, and when I woke up it was a full-blown cough/cold. Did I mention that this was Tuesday SIX WEEKS AGO? Still sick. It progressed through the usual pattern of voice loss, where I can imitate a predictable litany of voices as mine goes away: Charlie Brown, Eeyore, Emperor Palpatine, Movie Trailer Guy. During the second week, my uvula swelled so large that I went to the doctor to rule out strep or the plague.

After six weeks, though, it was getting a bit ridiculous. Following a rather violent coughing fit this morning, my wife wisely suggested that I "go to the fucking ER." I did. I have bronchitis and possibly am headed into pneumonia. They put me on three different meds, at least one of which is making my heart race.

Hopefully, they'll do their job before my chest explodes, and also before my show opens in two weeks.

The Ick That Wouldn't Die

2011-10-29T00:20:00.003-04:00

At least once a year, I get a cold. As my family will tell you, I'm a whiny baby when I'm sick. It wouldn't be so bad, though, if it didn't last forever. Colds are supposed to last about 7 days. Mine can go up to two months, often morphing into bronchitis, pneumonia, and often including an earache in my left ear that leaves me with one ear to hear with.

I am currently on day 11. My coughing is persistent and annoying, and I hope I can keep it at bay tomorrow when I'm seeing a live performance. Pocket full 'o Halls. My voice has been through the usual progression of impersonations I can only do when sick: Charlie Brown, Eeyore, Emperor Palpatine, Movie Voice Guy. Also, I'll occasionally wake up with a swollen uvula(dangly thing at the back of the throat) so bad that it obstructs my speech. Actually went to the doctor the other day because it was so bad.

Bitch bitch bitch.

A letter to my wife on our 20th anniversary

2011-09-09T05:12:00.004-04:00

Twenty years.

It's a long damn time.

Especially when you consider that all of my previous relationships topped out at three months. In college, when the three-month mark rolled around, I'd wonder who was going to end it, me or her. But twenty years is something. Twenty years is an accomplishment.

It has been quite a ride. The beginning was exciting and new, like all relationships. Playing hooky from work together, or driving cross-country in the old Torino. But even though it had the excitement of a new thing, it immediately seemed...well, old. Not old and wrinkled and hard of hearing, but more like an old soul. Something that was timeless. Something that would last.

We knew almost instantly that we had to be together. Saying the magic words after only a week, moving in together after a month. Even though it was new, it was right. It had to be. It could not be stopped. We fit.

And yet. Twenty years. Many marriages don't last half that. Things go wrong. People bolt. You can't blame them, really. It's easy to leave when the going gets rough; to take your ball and go home. Try to find another game on another day. I suppose sometimes that's actually the right decision to make, for some. To get out of a bad situation before it becomes worse. It sure happens often enough. About half of all marriages end in divorce, and many of those are within the first 8 years, according to one study.

But not us. We've lasted. We've survived. Has it been easy? Hell, no. Marriage is hard. Kids are hard. Hell, kids are REAL hard. As wonderful, as fulfilling, as amazing as our kids are, they are the biggest source of stress in a marriage. Well, second to money, and we know how that's been going. Kids. Money. No money. Crappy jobs. Crappy towns. Crappy cars.

Yet, we persevere.

Why? Because it's worth it. Because for all the stress and trouble, there have been good times. We agree on all the important stuff. Politics. Religion. Child-raising. "How the world should be." We share humor. LOTS of humor. Without humor, I fear we would have gone much crazier by now. We share a world view. We see things in very much the same way.

And yes, you don't really "get" all the board games, and I don't really "get" the rabid interest in the Packers. But we, for the most part, "get" each other.

Lots of people assume that romance goes by the wayside when you've been married for a long time. Well, sure. It's not going to be like it was in the beginning. But that's because love grows and evolves over time. It deepens.

Movies tell us that love is all Valentine's and rainbows. It isn't. Love is being there. Love is knowing someone will be home when you get there. Love is dropping everything to go get McDonald's at midnight so you can watch Parking Wars together. Love is asking someone to look at something on your body that wasn't there last week. Love is having your youngest sleep between you on your one night off in weeks because she watched too scary a movie. Love is, indeed, having to say your sorry because you said something completely shitty during a fight last night because you knew the other person would still be there in the morning. Love is having the courage to admit that sometimes it's hard to see where the love is, exactly.

Marriage is a war sometimes. But usually, with the best of them, it's a war against the world, side by side with the only partner you can ever truly count on.

So we have survived. We have persevered. We have lasted. We have loved. And we will do so for another twenty years and beyond. Because we've got each other.

I love you.

How I Became an Atheist

2011-04-07T00:27:00.002-04:00

Oddly enough, the title of this post is a misnomer. EVERYONE is born an atheist. You have to be taught to believe in things; so actually, the title should be "How I went back to being an atheist." Semantics.

I was raised Catholic. My mother is half-Italian, so we were REALLY Catholic. We did not attend Catholic school, due to Mom's mistreatment by the nuns when she went. If you are Catholic and don't attend parochial school, you have to attend CCD, which is Sunday school, after church. I did so all the way through my Senior year in high school. For the most part, I enjoyed church and CCD, enjoyed doing well on the tests and reciting the Beatitudes, and was in fact an altar boy for several years during my youth. One time I rang the bells at the wrong moment during Mass. I'm sure you Catholics out there are cringing for me. Thank you for sharing my pain. I would give up stuff for lent, not eat meat on Fridays, and would put up a little altar to Mary during May. All in all, a good Catholic boy.

I'd say I was around 12 when the first kernel of doubt started creeping in. Only slightly, mind you, and only on the surface. It was at that time that it occurred to me that we were basing all our beliefs on a book, and that we could as easily based them on, say, the rules to Monopoly. Just a little oddity about belief that crept across my psyche during one particularly boring homily. Nothing serious; just a thought.

Flash forward to my Senior year. I started thinking seriously about becoming a priest. I had the good fortune of having a couple cool, young priests in my parish. This, combined with the fun and spiritual retreats we would go on in CCD, led me to believe that perhaps I should consider the priesthood. I wanted to make Catholicism more accessible to teenagers. I had other loves as well, though, and theatre won out as a life goal. And even though I was still a virgin, the thought of never having sex was kind of a deal-breaker.

Off I went to Indiana University. Ballentine Hall was, at the time, one of, if not the, largest classroom buildings on any campus. In front of this monstrosity one day, a crowd had gathered. They were listening to an evangelist named Mad Max.

Now, there were several different speakers that would come and talk to the students on the lawn. One couple talked about how she was a born-again virgin, and how Jesus had spoken to them at a Burger King. But Max Lynch was the most frequent visitor to campus. He was in his 50's or 60's, and had previously been a math professor at Indiana State who had been fired for teaching the bible in class. He wore tinted glasses, a baseball cap, and a buzz cut. Google him; there are pictures available.

Mad Max would stand there and scream at people that they were fornicators, ending his rants with the admonition that you would "BURN IN THE ETERNAL FIE-ERRRRRRRRR!" People would argue with him, and he would yell back. He said, after he got fired, that his wife asked him when he was going to get another job. He hit her with the bible, knocking her out, and yelling that he had a job spreading the word of God.

I had at this point stepped up my doubts and curiosity about my own faith. Why, for instance, was Catholicism correct over other Christian sects? What did Jesus really want from us? I would argue with him right along with the others. Once he was reduced to "speaking in tongues" at me, which showed me that I had gotten to him. A proud day, that.

Sure Max was ridiculous, and not necessarily representative of all Christians. But he got me thinking about my own beliefs. Ironically, thinking is the enemy of religion, so I'm guessing this was not his intent.

The next step from wondering about Catholics vs. Protestants was wondering about Christians vs. other religions. Why were we right, as opposed to the Jews, or Muslims, or Hindus, or Buddhists? Why, in fact, did there have to be anything up there at all?

It seems glib, but this was a pretty big step for the boy who would be priest. I began to examine my beliefs, and religion in general, and found there to be no evidence that any of it was true. In fact, there seemed to be lots of anecdotal evidence that it was all made up. The similarities between different religions all seemed to point to one thing: people are so afraid of death that they will make up stories to lessen that fear. Simple, really. Don't want to die? Make up stories about a guy who beat death.

Over the years, my thinking and reading on this subject became more frequent and intense, until at last there was nothing at all left of the faith I'd felt as a child. That's to be expected, really. Personally, I don't see how ANYONE can still believe in this stuff after being presented with the arguments against belief. Plus, religion tends to lead people to do all sorts of bad things in the name of their god, like fly planes into buildings or allow 6 million Jews to be exterminated. Religion isn't just ridiculous -- it's the enemy.

This is not meant to convince anyone or start a dialogue. I've wasted enough time arguing with Christians in my life to know that it never leads anywhere. This was only to put down how my journey went. I leave you with my favorite atheist quote:

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”
– Stephen Roberts

This is a test

2011-03-31T07:58:00.001-04:00

Just testing the new blogger droid. Nothing to see here. Go back to your homes.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

I hate people

2011-03-30T05:03:00.002-04:00

This should not come as a surprise to anyone who knows me IRL. Heck, the fact that I neglect my blog for months at a time should be an indicator. I like individuals, but people in general never cease to fail me.

I work at two different hotels. One of them has one of those courtyard-style pool areas that is surrounded by rooms. It is also surrounded by a tallish white picket fence that is locked during the hours that the pool is closed. The fence is chest/neck height, depending, so it would take some effort to scale it without causing yourself some pain or the fence some damage.

Yet. People do.

The other night I saw a guy headed to the pool wearing only trunks and carrying a towel. No dummy, I asked if he was headed to the pool. When he affirmed my deduction, I told him it was closed. "But I just want to sit in the hot tub for a while," he answered (the "hey asshole" was implied). I again told him that the pool was closed, and that I couldn't open it for him due to various legal and insurance reasons. He went off to his room, which was pool-side.

Not being an idiot, I waited a couple minutes, and then went to check. Sure enough, the prick and his lady-friend were in the effing hot tub.

"Sir! Come on! The gate was locked, and you had to climb the fence to get in! Get out of the hot tub."

They picked up their towels and made their way over to the fence where they'd set up chairs for access. I let them climb back over as punishment. All the while looking at me like I'M the asshole.

I just don't understand why they would think the rules don't apply to them, or that I would be dumb enough not to follow up, or that they were so special that they deserved special treatment. And I see this kind of thing all the time.

Maybe that's what I can blog about. There is certainly no shortage of jerks. Perhaps I'd be here more than once a quarter.

The truth about the tea party

2010-11-04T00:43:00.001-04:00

From the Matt Taibbi article in Rolling Stone:

"The individuals in the Tea Party may come from very different walks of life, but most of them have a few things in common. After nearly a year of talking with Tea Party members from Nevada to New Jersey, I can count on one hand the key elements I expect to hear in nearly every interview. One: Every single one of them was that exceptional Republican who did protest the spending in the Bush years, and not one of them is the hypocrite who only took to the streets when a black Democratic president launched an emergency stimulus program. ("Not me — I was protesting!" is a common exclamation.) Two: Each and every one of them is the only person in America who has ever read the Constitution or watched Schoolhouse Rock. (Here they have guidance from Armey, who explains that the problem with "people who do not cherish America the way we do" is that "they did not read the Federalist Papers.") Three: They are all furious at the implication that race is a factor in their political views — despite the fact that they blame the financial crisis on poor black homeowners, spend months on end engrossed by reports about how the New Black Panthers want to kill "cracker babies," support politicians who think the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was an overreach of government power, tried to enact South African-style immigration laws in Arizona and obsess over Charlie Rangel, ACORN and Barack Obama's birth certificate. Four: In fact, some of their best friends are black! (Reporters in Kentucky invented a game called "White Male Liberty Patriot Bingo," checking off a box every time a Tea Partier mentions a black friend.) And five: Everyone who disagrees with them is a radical leftist who hates America."

Go read the whole article. Very eye opening.

Moving Sucks

2010-10-01T01:42:00.002-04:00

Really, not much more need be said. We recently had to move. Our landlord decided to sell the house we were living in and gave us 30 days to find a new place. All of this occurred conveniently right at the beginning of the school year. Sadly, since the college students had sucked up most of the houses, we ended up having to move from a 3 bedroom house with basement to a 2 bedroom apartment with very little storage space. Talk about stuffing a 5 pound cat in a 1 pound bag! We're out of the old place and into the new, but we're still trying to find places for everything.

I can't imagine much that I like less than moving. Packing sucks, carting stuff from place to place sucks. Putting stuff away is slightly better, because it's kind of fun to put the new place together. But still, I'd rather stay put.

Bad blogger!

2010-09-11T00:48:00.002-04:00

So, I get these emails telling me how many people come to this site every week. My numbers are not high, but there's usually at least one person who checks in. They are usually disappointed, because I just don't blog very much. I feel bad every time I get that email, because it means that someone out there popped their head in to, once again, find me absent. For this I apologize. I have said it before, but I'll endeavor to have more to say.

That said, a big thank you to my landlord who informed us that she sold the house we live in on the first day of classes for the university, meaning that all the housing in town had been snatched up by students. And now we had thirty days to find a new place for our family, including our dog. Easy! We did find a place, but it's a compromise. Better price, smaller space. We will make do. Now we have a week to pack our whole house and figure out where we are going to put everything. A daunting task for a pack-rat such as I. This has given me the impetus to purge, which is a good thing, and I'm getting rid of stuff I've had since I was a toddler, so maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I have too much crap. Ah, well.

Please explain it to me. Seriously.

2010-04-03T00:29:00.002-04:00

It's been difficult lately to get my mind around all the crazy, stupid things going on in this country. It's been hard to even articulate why I'm upset, because I just don't get it.

Why is Sarah Palin still relevent? Don't her supporters realize that she QUIT her job and should not then be trusted with another? When she says something like, "How's that hopey-changey stuff workin' for ya?", don't people realize that what she's really saying is, "See? Republicans can prevent anything good from happening in this country, isn't that great!" How is stagnation and death a good thing?

Why is the media giving such a large amount of coverage to the Teabaggers? They're really not a very big group, numbers-wise, but the disproportionate amount of screen time they get is making people believe the "movement" is bigger than it is.

Speaking of that, why has only John Stewart called out Fox News about their blatant lies about what's going on? They used a picture from a gathering from years ago and labeled it as a current event. Why wasn't THIS a bigger story?

How have the Republicans managed to convince so many people that they really don't want health care? I know people can be easily led, but come on! These are basic human needs that people are being convinced they don't have a right to have.

I have lots smaller things that infuriate me, but I'm starting to sound like Andy Rooney.

Seriously, if anyone has an explanation for any of this, let me know.

Book recommendation and general beef with the world

2010-01-26T03:51:00.002-05:00

A while back, Jon Stewart interviewed the author Sarah Vowell. She appeared to be very funny and informative, which is important when reading a history book. I finally got around to reading "The Wordy Shipmates," and I thought it was fabulous. Lots of humor, great insight into the subject (Puritan founders of Boston), and you could tell she really did her homework.

I'd like to share with you one of my favorite sections. She is talking about the rift between the ruling powers, led by John Winthrop, and the upstart Anne Hutchinson. Hutchinson is what we would call "born-again," in that she believes that belief and religious authority comes from an immediate, personal relationship with God, rather than formal Biblical interpretation by church elders. This is in direct contrast with the status quo; hence, the rift. Vowell also talks about how this move forward in Protestanism is the guiding hand in developing self-government. The quote then:

"On the other hand, Protestantism's shedding away of authority, as evidenced by my mother's proclamation that I needn't go to church or listen to a preacher to achieve salvation, inspires self-reliance -- along with a dangerous disregard for expertise. So the impulse that leads to democracy can also be the downside of democracy -- namely, a suspicion of people who know what they're talking about. It's why in U.S. presidential elections the American people will elect a wisecracking good ol' boy who's fun in a malt shop instead of a serious thinker who actually knows some of the pompous, brainy stuff that might actually get fewer people laid off or killed." --Vowell, The Wordy Shipmates, pgs 214-5

This says a lot, I think. This distrust of the knowledgable is rampant in this country right now. And sure, a lot of that has to do with the above-mentioned Protestant ethic that you should be able to worship in your own way without heeding the rules and laws of a religious governing body. To a point, that's a great sentiment. But taken too far, as I think it has been, this idea creates a population that doesn't want to listen to anyone who might know better. About anything.

This goes hand-in-hand with Faith. The definition of faith is "believing without seeing." To my mind, it has (d)evolved into "believing in spite of seeing," considering that no amount of evidence to the contrary will sway these people from their beliefs. It stands to reason that if they've been brought up to think of this as a noble ideal, then they will also devalue anyone who requires facts to support an opinion. They've been conditioned, through religion, to believe all sorts of made-up crap and poo-poo the science on the side of the opposition, so that they soon distrust anything that smacks of science or fact. They'll hold onto what they believe, thankyouverymuch, and you can keep your education.

It deeply saddens me that this faction of our population seem to be much more vocal and organized than the thinkers. This is why Massachusetts just voted, essentially, to kill the health care bill. Somehow, the people who believe that everyone deserves health care weren't passionate enough about it to get out to the polls. On the other hand, those who've been convinced that "the guvmint ain't gonna tell them where to git their doctorin" managed to cast their votes. The Republican leadership managed to convince a lot of blue-collar citizens that they shouldn't have health care. Pretty amazing, until you realize that these are the same people that believe the Bible is the infallible word of God. Apparently, they'll believe anything, as long as it doesn't contradict what they already believe and plays into their fervent desire to remain as ignorant as possible.

imdb, here I come!

2009-10-31T01:43:00.003-04:00

My theatre company, Vertigo Theatre Company, was recently hired to appear in an independent film. An art professor at the local university has taken a sabbatical in order to produce a film project near and dear to his heart. He was in search of some actors, and was directed to us.

The movie is about a man with some OCD/control issues who meets a woman with much more profound problems. This relationship serves to help him gain a new perspective on his own life and also improves his relationship with his family. It's a short, very interesting project which should be visually striking and thought-provoking.

It's also interesting in how different film is from stage, and how our different acting styles are fitting in. On stage, you start at the beginning of the character's journey, or arc, and continue inexorably toward the conclusion. You grow as the character grows with each performance, taking a trip with them that is very organic and "in the moment." Film is very different. In film, you take little slices of that arc, and do them over and over again from different angles. If the scene you are filming is at an emotional high, then you slice that emotional high right out of the tube of story, like taking one cookie out of the center of a tube of cookie dough. And then you do it repeatedly until the director feels he has his shot. Often, the pieces are not even filmed sequentially, so you might be playing the end before the beginning.

Safe to say that this, from an acting standpoint, is kind of weird. We "classically trained" actors are used to getting into character and staying there. To keep jumping in at random points can be difficult. This is truer for some than others, of course.

There are many different acting styles/schools that have enjoyed popularity. Classical, method, sense-memory, all are valid ways to approach a role. I have found that it's best to pick and choose, cafeteria-style, according to what the role, or even different moments within the role, require. If I need to cry, I'll try to be more method, getting deep into the character and/or going to a personal place that matches the emotion of that scene. In Shakespeare, I tend to be more technical, scanning the script for clues and using the language itself to propel the character along.

As a general rule, though, I tend to be a more cerebral, technical actor. One of my partners in the company, however, is considerable more method/organic. She really gets into a part, often so much that the role spills a bit into her life. For film, then, we have discovered that I have an advantage. It is much easier for me to turn the technical on and off, jumping back into the same spot over and over. Often, my inflections and movements will be exactly the same each time. While a challenge to keep fresh, this does lend itself well to film, because repeating yourself helps the director to identify cut-points. My partner, being a more organic actor, finds it difficult to play the same scene the same way twice, because she is too far inside the part to step outside of it and monitor what she's doing.

Is either method better? No. Just different ways of approaching the same thing. She's much better at getting to emotions onstage than I am, because I'm thinking too much about what I'm doing while I'm doing it. For film, this is just what is needed. I find it fascinating, and ultimately good for both of us, that we have such different ways of approaching acting. We have been able to build a trust with each other in scenes that is so important, because we have a knowledge of what the other person needs.

Alongside all this actor-talk, how cool is it that I'm in a movie!? I'll post more details as they become available. Who knows? Maybe Paris Hilton will be skanking it up at Sundance after getting kicked out of a movie that I'm in!

A Better Use of Glenn Beck's Time

2009-09-26T01:51:00.002-04:00

There are a whole lot of angry people in this country. Not as many as they would have you believe, but they are loud and ignorant, so we notice them more. I say we redirect their ire away from the issues they have been duped into fighting for and onto one much more pressing and deserving of this level of anger.

Froot Loops.

THEY CHANGED FROOT LOOPS! A favorite since my youth, I could always count on Froot Loops to taste and smell exactly the same. A wonderful, fruit-like goodness poured from the box, filling my heart with a kind of love that few have known.

And they've changed them.

In an effort to be "healthy," Kellogg's has added fiber. Fiber helps you poop, and pooping is good. However, they've also removed the little sugar granules that used to stick lovingly to the outside of each Loop, and they've screwed up the texture and taste of the cereal.

I'm experience a possibly inappropriate amount of rage over this, but WTF!? If you want fiber, buy Kashi. Don't mess with my Froot Loops.

And yes, I WILL be writing the company. You should, too. Not everything has to be good for you. Some things just have to be good.

Glenn Beck's Folly

2009-04-22T08:07:00.002-04:00

Anyone familiar with Fox News should know who Glenn Beck is. He used to be on CNN, but fits in much better in his current environment. He's started this thing called The 912 Project. His goal is to return us to the America we became on 9/12, the day after the terrorist attacks. I'd prefer to go to 9/10, but regardless. If you want to know what it's all about, go to www.the912project.com.

As part of their "mission statement," they outline certain principles and values that they hold dear. The values are meaningless happy-words that no one could really argue with. "Honesty." Yeah, ok, I can get behind that, but what does if really mean? Nothing. So let's look at the 9 Principles and see if they have any merit.

1. America Is Good.

Well, maybe. I don't really think a country can be inherently good or bad. The people running it certainly can. I think for the last 8 years we were certainly not "good." We've been taken over by corporate interests that infect every aspect of government. I do, however, think that we can be good again!

2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.

I don't. If you have to go with all nine, I guess this would be the deal-breaker for me. I know that the last President did, and used that faith to make major decisions in lieu of, say, research. This is VERY dangerous.

3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.

Can't argue with that. Then again, if you're completely honest on Monday, there's not much room for improvement. Also, coming from someone on Fox News, this is hilarious.

4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.

Well, it depends. If you and your spouse are Christian Scientists who deny insulin to their daughter so that she dies? Yeah, the State should step in at that point.

5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.

I agree.

6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.

No guarantee of equal results, but there should certainly be equal opportunity. My ability to pursue happiness should not be hampered by others deciding I don't deserve to be happy by reason of my race, sexual preference, or economic standing. My ability to make a living shouldn't be hampered by some executive deciding he needs to lay some workers off so his wife can continue getting weekly spa treatments.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.

Slippery slope, this. This is the kind of Libertarian attitude that leads to CEO's getting huge bonuses while kids starve in this country. This is what leads to poverty. Sure, people should work for what they get. But some can't. Let's not leave them to die.

8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.

I agree. Too bad the Bush administration didn't see it this way. Oh, and the talking heads on TV that accused the people questioning Bush's policies of being unpatriotic? Evil. One of the people that did this kind of thing? Glenn Beck.

9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

Well, that would be true in a Democracy. But we live in a Republic. We elect officials to make decisions for us. Then, if we don't like how they do, we vote them out. Like in November.

So, no, I can't support your project, Glenn. No matter how much you cry about it on your show.

A parable from our mystery guest blogger...

2009-04-19T23:51:00.000-04:00

In America, they first invaded Iraq, and I didn’t speak up because I believed Iraq had WMD’s;

And then they tortured Iraqi prisoners, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t an Iraqi prisoner, plus it was kind of funny and they deserved it;

And then they suspended habeas corpus and started wiretapping Americans, and I didn’t speak up because I have nothing to hide and prefer security over liberty;

And then . . . they proposed a 4% tax hike only for the rich . . . And that so pissed me off that I took to the streets in protest.

God, I’m stupid.

They want their tea, but keep the change

2009-04-16T07:36:00.002-04:00

Caution: some profanity. Deal with it.

As I was driving to rehearsal last night, I noticed a large group of placard-bearing people gathered outside the post office. When I reached the corner, I saw that we were having our very own tea party. One of the signs said "Impeach Obama." I figured that it was finally time to weigh in on this subject. I shall use as much tact and respect as my fellow citizens deserve.

These people are morons. They, and the fine folks at Fox News (where they likely get all of their "information"), would have us believe that this is a grass roots movement to fight the spectre of higher taxes and out-of control spending. Where were these people during the last 8 years? During the creation of a huge deficit? When we were spending all that money on the war? Oh, it involved guns? I guess that's ok, then.

This is not a grass roots movement. It's being funded and promoted by corporations that wish for everything to remain just as it is. God forbid the poor shouldn't stay poor, and corporate overlords shouldn't continue raping the country for their own selfish gain. They resist change, because change would take some of their golf club dues money away.

What these teabaggers have been fooled into thinking is that Obama wants to raise all our taxes. Even though only the most affluent will see any increase in taxes. Even though there has been NO indication that their taxes will go up, these mouth-breathers believe anything Limbaugh and Hannity tell them. They are protesting against something that DOESN'T EXIST!

Not only that, but they are, effectively, still campaigning. The election was won by those who desire change way back in November, but they're still campaigning, creating tea parties, producing commercials about "clean coal" and whatnot, continuing to -- and this is the scariest part -- perpetuate the divisiveness created by the previous administration! Instead of going with change and not being assholes, they are still fighting the fight, trying to undermine anything good that might happen in this country.

Just when we thought we could heal, the teabaggers are still picking the scab. Things will NEVER improve in this country unless there are some radical changes in how things are run. This can't happen if these idiots convince enough other idiots to stand in the way. These are not patriots. These are liars and thieves and the deluded Ditto-heads that listen to them. We voted the Republicans out in November. They should shut the fuck up.

And I don't really think they know what "teabagging" means.

Itty-bitty Watchmen review

2009-03-12T07:59:00.002-04:00

I'm not going to go on and on here. Just wanted to weigh in on Watchmen, a movie many people have been clamoring for/fearful of since 1986. Clamoring because it's arguable the best comic series in history. Fearful because it's been considered nigh-unfilmable.

Well, all I'll say is that they made the best film they possibly could out of that book. Would it have been better, or more complete, as a 5-hour miniseries? Perhaps. But when adapting for film, you can't make a movie JUST for the fanboys and purists. Some concessions must be made for the good of the film and the good of future films that will be made of similar material. Precious few concessions were made, and I can live with all of them. It was remarkably true to the book, and a brilliant film. Fantastic experience, and highly recommended.

And please, PLEASE read the book. Nothing compares.

Big Fat Idiot

2009-03-05T08:40:00.002-05:00

So now Rush Limbaugh is challenging/inviting Obama to come on his show to debate the issues. Some of the recent controversy with Rush is that some Republicans are saying that the brouhaha over Rush is a Democrat conspiracy to characterize Republicans as "angry white men." Personally it seems Rush is doing that himself, but whatever. He is in the spotlight right now because of his tiff with the ACTUAL head of the Republican party, who of course caved and apologized to Rush for daring to question his methods.

This is just another example of Republicans trying to divert attention from actually getting some good work done in favor of keeping the status quo for the "rich angry white men" who have been in charge for so long. Creating controversy like this is par for the course for these chuckleheads. But here's the thing; and this is what people should try to keep in mind, rather than be sucked into this crap. THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO DEBATE A RADIO HOST! He has actual work to do. The debating happened during the campaign, which Rush's side lost in a big way. That ship sailed, fat man. Shut the hell up.

My Alter-Ego

2009-02-08T12:31:00.001-05:00

SE7EN

2009-01-17T11:43:00.005-05:00

There's this Twitter meme thing where people can "tag" you to write 7 things that people don't know about you. Technically, I wasn't tagged, but instead of spiraling into an abyss of "nobody cares about me," I decided to just write the damn thing anyway. Many of you who know me IRL will be painfully aware of some of these. Those who only know me as an avatar, however? This is for you.

1)I like a surprisingly wide array of music. I'm kinda proud of this, actually. My favorite band, since high school, has been Rush. The quality of the playing and writing is unparalleled, and I just really like what they do and what they stand for. All through high school, all my favorite bands were under the "progressive" label: Yes, Pink Floyd, Jethro Tull, ELP, Genesis. Up until that time, I mainly listened to jazz, due to my being a trumpet player, and musicals. After college, I discovered industrial, which had a huge impact on me. At this point in my life, on any given day, I can be found listening to Assemblage 23, LOTR, Wicked, Josh Groban, Korn, Wumpscut, NOFX, My Chemical Romance,Barry Manilow, Alison Kraus, you name it. There are certain genres I really don't care for. Rap, Country, R&B, Opera, Gospel, and the most insipid Pop songs hold no appeal for me, though there are exceptions in all those areas. But I'm glad that I can find pleasure in many different areas of music. I guess you can say I like quality and talent.

2)I dwell. I dwell HARD. If something doesn't go my way, or I do something really stupid, I will NOT let it go. I'll keep thinking about it, and talking about it, until those around me want to punch me in the face. I was aware of this, but didn't really know how neurotic I was until it was pointed out a few months ago. I'm not sure why I can't let go of things, or why I insist on inflicting this on others. I'd really like to stop.

3)My mental picture of myself doesn't match reality. I'm overweight. Like, a lot. Not enough to end up on Springer, or airlifted from my house, but enough that I can't shop for clothes at the mall. I have to go to big and tall stores, because I am both. Like, 5 or 6 X's. This was not always the case, however. I was a stick growing up, until about 8th grade, when I stopped moving but kept eating. Still relatively thin, though, through my Junior year of college. Didn't really blow up until after our kids were born. When I think of myself, though, I don't see myself as quite as big as I actually am. I'm always surprised when I see myself on film or in a shop window reflection. Every damn time. This is probably why I can never seem to stay on a diet for long. (Except this time, by jingo!)

4)I stole stuff when I was little. We're talking first grade and before. One or two little things from stores, one thing from school. It wasn't all the time or anything, but I knew enough to lie about it when I was accused, so I knew it was wrong. My mom defended me to a store manager once. I confessed what had really happened...on my 30th birthday.

5)I think the movie Gone With the Wind is a piece of shit.

6)I often think of what it would be like to go back to high school knowing what I know now. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife and kids, and couldn't imagine living without them. But I sure wish I could make a few different choices back then, and will fantasize about what might have been different or improved.

7)I've never been to Florida, and I don't care if I ever get there.

So that's my seven. I hope at least some of this was mildly interesting. Because number 8 would be about my need for approval.

My Pathetic Mid-Life Crisis

2008-12-18T08:45:00.003-05:00

I am, as of this writing, 41 years old. Been married 17 years, have two kids, job I can't stand. You know the drill.

Normally, a guy my age would look around at what he has, or has not, wrought, and decide to get either a sportscar, a young girlfriend, or both. Well, I don't have the money for a sportscar. This fact sort of led to the crisis in the first place, didn't it? I mean, if I could afford a sportscar, perhaps I wouldn't be having a mid-life crisis at all. As for the young girlfriend, I have no interest. I'm quite in love with my wife, thankyouverymuch. And even if I wasn't, I don't have the time or patience any more for dating. Between sneaking around trying to find a hotel where I can park in the back, and sitting at home watching "Parking Wars," I'll take the couch almost every time.

So how is my crisis playing out, exactly? Well, I play a lot of games and read a lot of comics. But really, I've done all those things most of my life, so that's not really a change for me. It takes a little more explanation when people ask what the little superheroes around my monitor at work are for, but I've never had a complex about it so it doesn't really bother me. And comics really aren't geared for children any more. Most of my friends read comics, and they're all adults as well. No, the only crisis I see here is the one on Infinite Earths.

The single manifestation of my vaunted Mid-Life Crisis is the weeping. Every time I watch, or read, something from my childhood, I tear up. The other night, we were watching the classic "Year Without a Santa Claus." Predictably, my eyes welled up during the song "I Believe in Santa Claus." I've noticed that I cry a lot these days when confronted with anything that reminds my of my youth. Now that I spend much of my time stressing about money, or job, or my teenager, or my health, or the various deaths in the family in recent years, I think that I long for a simpler time. A time when my greatest concern was getting my homework done, and my greatest fear was of the Bumble. I cry because those days are long gone, and I know they're never coming back, and I realize that they won't last forever for my children, either. Granted, these are not unpleasant memories I'm dredging up. On the contrary, I love reliving those days. There's happiness there, too. But also sadness. Sadness for the passing of those days when the light at the end of the tunnel didn't seem quite so distant.

In memory of Nena Kalil, 1913-2008

2008-12-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

Home.

I had a home growing up; most of us did, I expect. My home centered around my room. Action figures on the dresser, desk in the corner, Star Wars – then, later, bikini – posters on the wall. This was the center of my world, largely controlled by me, but only a part of a larger world including the whole house.

But I, and many others in this room, had a second home. The home on Main Street; the former Elkhart mayor’s home that was purchased by a grocer and his growing family. I inhabited this home for several hours every Sunday after church, along with my extended family. Once a week, this was my other home, and was just as much a part of my make-up as my room. Once a week, we would gather, not only as family, but as friends. Eating eggs with hot dogs, donuts, and juice. Playing piano with Uncle Mike. Creating carnivals and churches on the porch. Playing games from the seat in the dining room.

Some homes are just buildings. But others are alive. They breathe and exist and have personalities. And the heart of this home was Grandma. Every corner, every knickknack, every aspect of the home bore signs of her. The stocking with an orange in it on the fireplace was a signal she’d been there. The cookies in the cabinet were a clue that she liked putting smiles on our faces. The pictures on the mantle were evidence that she wished always to be surrounded by family.

If this house had a spirit, it was Grandma. Her laughter at the antics of her children and grandchildren was the house’s laughter. Her footsteps as she kept the house spotless were the house’s pulse. The smells coming from the kitchen on Christmas day were the house’s breath. The conversations around the table were the house’s mind. Her great strength through tough times, for her or for her children, was the house’s soul. And her abiding love for all who were privileged to be a part of her world was the house’s heart. She was the home, and the home was her.

And when Grandpa passed on, she remained in the house. She remained, because she belonged there. As far as she was concerned, her husband still dwelt there. She, as the living, breathing heart of the home, remained so even as the neighborhood changed around her. The Nena-Home stood as a beacon to all of us; as a symbol of what family could be; as a testament to the enduring strength of the woman who served as its heart.

And at the end of her life, she chose, as was right, to go on her own terms. Though her body gave out at the hospital, Grandma’s spirit truly faded in the place to which it had been inexorably linked.

In her home.

Here goes nuthin'

2008-12-08T11:02:00.002-05:00

Well, this is baby's first blog. I've decided to go ahead and get with the program. Occasionally, I might actually have something to say.

The title of this blog, for those that didn't get it, refers to the Titan board game. In it, you move from space to space using the arrows leading from each space to guide you. Once you get on the outer ring, following the triple-arrows, you can remain there for quite some time. Like being in a rut in real life, this can last for a while until, every once in a while, you have the opportunity to escape to higher ground.

Welcome to my world.